Are ‘Stay-at-home’ Moms Lazy?!?
(Written: 28th September, 2014)
Sometimes I feel like us Stay-at-home moms should complain more. It’s like if you don’t have paper behind your name (which I do as I have a BSC Double major) your opinions, methods and role are always seen as unimportant or ‘less’ somehow…problem is…it’s hard to complain about a job that you love…I mean how many of us with glamorous careers can say ‘My job is the bomb! It’s everything I always wanted it to be! There’s never a dull moment! I love it!” Very rare….
But lemme’ break it down a little. This is essentially how the weekend goes… The kids get home after school and are ready to kick off socks and just be kids! So while they play I would take all four book bags, sit amongst them, read their weekend assignments and strategically plan the weekend. I would plan how to spread the work out so that each child gets individual attention from mummy to do assignments, projects, book reports, weekly revision and prepare for test on Monday. Some kids have more focus and attention needs than others so it’s really important to be perfect with this plan so that no child feels overwhelmed.
And then there are the ‘oh so trivial things’ that people seem to think will do themselves…things every mom needs to fit into her day. I would need to wash the wares, fold the clothes, wash the school clothes and other clothes, scrub stains out of school khakis, empty and wash lunch kits, scan the pantry, do groceries, distribute weekend chores (so the kids learn responsibility), tend to the garden, pick veges that are ready, COOK three healthy meals a day, clean school shoes, sweep, mop when necessary, wipe counters, distribute snacks and juices, and during all this still make sure the kids get time to just chill in between projects and just enjoy their weekend with their daddy. Let’s not forget maktab prep and islamic studies and revision. AND THAT’S JUST MUMMY! Because not all moms are fortunate to have hubbys who work 9-4 jobs. Some daddys have their own businesses and while there are so many family graces & perks to that (daddy can take vacation and sick days whenever he wants, go to every sports day or school event, etc), there are also longggg nights at times and sometimes when daddy gets home he may still have work to do. Gotta’ make a living right! And while my hubby is an amazing husband who helps me whenever he can however he can, we also have very clear cut roles because of his work schedule. That is, he is literally the provider and decision maker and I am literally the nurturer and one who runs the household;) Very traditional roles…
And after all this I am still a person. I still have dreams, things I would like to still accomplish. Books I still study and read to try and better myself in anyway that I can. Sign language, lactation consultancy and Doula studies being my present interests. That’s one of the major joys of doing the things that you really love. Having the freedom and WILL to pursue the interests you really hold at heart.
Having a big family is the most amazing adventure, but it also has a different set of rules, a unique schedule, a different lifestyle. There are a lot of things to consider. The kids emotional, recreational, academic, hygienic, nutritional, islamic needs ARE 24/7 buzzing through my mind. I have this built in need to sustain balance in all of those elements while allowing the children to still enjoy their childhood in the way that I did. I despise the way the education system has children completely stressed out and even more the way some parents are so caught up in their own dunya that they just swamp their children with lessons and work and more work and more classes to get them out of the way.
I ALSO do not trust maids and caretakers and am completely justified in that as the world has become a vile place. So it’s all on the mummy sometimes and people need to start respecting and appreciating that. It’s a job that I LOVE and just because I don’t complain doesn’t mean I think it’s a piece of cake and I read magazines all day. And at the end of the day I must Thank Allah(swt) for giving me the physical and mental fortitude to make my life runs smoothly. Without Him nothing is possible!!!!
While some people enjoy their paychecks and social lives, I have the luxury of enjoying my children 24/7. The good, the bad and the ugly. The same way God blessed us with all these beautiful children is the same way He can take them all away from me in the snap of a finger or me away from them. Thus I’ve made it my purpose in life to be a part of their lives and be a part of their successes in this life and the hereafter. So next time you see a stay at home mom playing in the mud with her kids, don’t tell yourself she’s enjoying the sweet-life just wasting time and free to do what she wants, while you’re working hard for your paycheck. Tell yourself “She’s doing her Job and she’s doing it selflessly because she’s doing it for free!”