Early Miscarriage

Early Miscarriage…
(Date of Interview: 26/11/2009)

Brief Intro: This interview was conducted between myself and a Muslim sister from Trinidad. She has been through the trauma of an early miscarriage and has decided to share her experiences for the benefit of others insha Allah. May Allah(swt) bless her for this charity…Ameen. She has also chosen to keep her identity confidential, but if you would like to send her a message, you can send it to my e-mail and I will forward it to her for you insha Allah.

(NOTE: The names of certain institutions were mentioned during the interview, but I have omitted them so as to avoid any possible legal complications.)

Azizah: “Assalamu Alaikum sister…”

The Sister: “Walaikkum Assalam”

Azizah: “Let’s just start with the main question here, as the topic is ‘Early miscarriage’…How far along were you when you lost your baby?”

The Sister: “Almost four months…”

Azizah: “Okay, and what was your first reaction when you realized that the baby had died?”

The Sister: “I freaked out…and I started panicking. I called my family asking what to do, and I was told to call ‘Private Hospital’ and the ‘Private Hospital’ told me to go to ‘Public Hospital’, so I went…”

Azizah: “What made you think initially that something was wrong? What were your symptoms?”

The Sister: “Well I was just going about my business as normal playing scrabble with my husband and I started getting these weird pains coming and going. I was confused at first thinking it was belly gripe…but then my water broke. That’s when I started panicking!”

Azizah: “Were you with anyone when you miscarried?”

The Sister: “My husband, my daughter, mother and her husband were also there but not while it happened…”

Azizah:     “Not in the same house or same room? Care to elaborate?”

The Sister:  “They were in the same house, more like an apartment…we were living in an apartment together…my husband and I were alone in the room when my water broke”

Azizah:  “Okay, and how was the baby removed, were there doctors involved in any way?”

The Sister: “No…well I went to use the toilet and wash up before going to the hospital and while using the toilet to pee (she felt a bit embarrassed to say this) the baby came out as soon as I put the toilet paper to wipe… so I catched the baby. It was sooo tiny, and scary a bit…”

Azizah: “What role did your husband play in all of this? How did he feel?”

The Sister: “He was confused and didn’t really know what to do, but he did go with mummy and me to the hospital”

Azizah: “Did you get to hold your baby’s body afterwards. What did you feel at that moment?”

The Sister: “I did hold the baby’s body, but I did not cry, I was more disappointed! I think the reason why I didn’t cry…it was because it was not even four months yet…(she paused for a minute here)…did I need to talk about my experience at the hospital…which was awful?

Azizah: “If you’d like insha Allah. It would surely be of benefit to readers out there (I smile at her here in an assuring way).”

The Sister: “Ok, well at ‘Public Hospital’  when I arrived I was really scared, when I went inside there was this mean look receptionist, you could see that they don’t really care what you came here for they just want to get your information and tell you hold on, so she did that! And of course she was cold! After that was when the blood started flowing so I went to the toilet to see what I could do. They didn’t have any toilet paper so I asked mummy to come still sitting in the toilet because I couldn’t move due to the heavy blood flow. I asked her to ask the receptionist if she had a pad to give me! It’s a hospital right? The maternity ward!!! She said that they don’t have any…sorry…use toilet paper! My husband had to go find toilet paper! I used that and I had to sit that and she didn’t care. When the doctor came he looked at me and stuff, that’s when the most embarrassing thing happened. I stood up and that’s when everything came down, well not everything, but it was scary the amount of blood! I cried, felt sick to the stomach and embarrassed at the same time. When they took me up to the ward, and my clothes were all messed up and I didn’t have any (clothes)…that’s when I started crying…I felt alone and cold and scared…so the man carried me to my room, there I was naked with a hospital gown over me and I was wearing the blue thing they put under you as a pad…I had to wear it like a pamper (again, she was embarrassed to say this). I stood there by the bed not knowing what to do next…by myself. I didn’t want to go on  the bed because I was feeling stink. I couldn’t move because my blood was flowing so I stood there crying and one of the girls noticed and called the nurse. She came and buffed me, “you messing up the floor I just clean here”. I told her I have no clothes and no pads…she brought a new hospital gown for me so I went to the bathroom and bathe took the previous hospital gown and used it as a towel to wipe off and had to hold it under me and put the dry one on, then I went to the room and up on the bed, the nurse actually came and I had to put on another blue pad thing that they put under patients on like a pad then I was a bit comfortable…a lil’ bit. That night I felt like I was gonna’ blackout. I was really weak. Mummy and them finally came with some clothes from family who lived nearby…they(the nurses) brought it and said in a grumpy way we don’t normal do this at this house, they don’t like to collect things from family members for patients at that hour. So I was happy I got clothes…That night I kept my phone close by, calling my father every time I was scared…they(the nurses) didn’t check on me much…they came just once to put some drips on me and they moved me into another room.”

Azizah: “What advice do you have for other mothers out there who have recently gone through, or are about to go through this ordeal?”

The Sister: “I would tell them if they can afford it, go to a private hospital, and if they can’t…make sure they walk with everything they need. I don’t know what else I would say to overcome this…my husband and I decided to try for another baby as soon as it was possible. Mentally you would wonder why this happened to you, but it doesn’t have to be that you did something wrong…maybe the baby didn’t develop as it should, so nature took its course and what had to happen happened…”

Azizah: “How long did it take for you to accept what had happened fully? How was your recovery Physically, Mentally & socially?”

The Sister: “Well I did think that something was wrong with me so I am not sure how long it took me to accept it…I think by learning what causes miscarriages can be helpful towards recovery and by trying to move on as I did, trying to have another baby helped a lot the day I found out I was pregnant again!”

Azizah: “Do you think it would have been harder if it was later on in pregnancy when this happened?”

The Sister: “I do not know for sure, but I do believe yes…yes”

Azizah: “Jaza Kallah Kahir…Assalamu Alaikum….(interview ended here and we talked ‘off-the-record after’ thereafter)”

Yours Truly,
Azizah…

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