…Finding A Good Man…
(Written on: 01/05/2013)
This is particularly to the youth and to my young and beautiful beloved sisters in Islam…
We often hear parents telling their daughters, “Don’t cover up yourself in hijaab when you’re too young because you will not find a good boy to like you” and “Don’t get ‘too religious’ because people will think you’re fanatical”.
Why all this focus on what ‘other people think’?? Shouldn’t the focus be on what your Creator thinks of you?
Shouldn’t a ‘Good boy’ be the kind of boy who pursues you for your piety and modesty and not for the ‘way you look’ when your hair blows in the breeze and the way your clothes clings to your body?
You might be thinking now…do those ‘boys’ even exist anymore?!?!
What is a ‘good boy’ anyway?!? And better yet, WHERE are we looking for these ‘good boys’...Ah ha! Maybe that’s the reaosn we can’t find them…and why they may SEEM so ‘rare’?!? hummmmm…..
A ‘good’ boy’s heart is connected to the masjid. Best we start looking there sisters;)
A ‘good’ boy isn’t ashamed to be seen with his parents and siblings; Again ladies..look to Islamic functions and observe the ‘boys’ who are with their families and not just the ‘available’ boys who are texting with their pals in the parking lot, around corners, at school and well…you get my point;) If friends and school play a part in finding these ‘boys’, don’t look at the ‘boy’ first..observe his friends;) Don’t believe me? Well believe this:-
Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” [Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 40, Number 4833, Hasan]
To attract a ‘good man’, doesn’t mean that we have to lower our standards and commitment to our deen and what our Lord commands of us as women…
To attract a ‘good man’ is to be the kind of ‘good woman’ that a ‘good man’ would be attracted to;)
Some of us sisters have such pure and precious hearts and the most fun-loving, considerate and darling personalities…but because of the way we dress (or lack there of) and because we don’t have that head covering on our heads and because we run with loose ‘women/female friends’ with ‘tightly clung’ clothing, that ‘good guy’, that ‘good man’ and that ‘good boy’…he’s just going to pass us straight without thinking twice about it…because… a ‘good man’ lowers his gaze and women who ‘outwardly’ don’t SEEM to be taking their deen seriously, well…these sisters are unappealing to a ‘good man’. This isn’t the ‘good girl’ he wants to pursue, this isn’t the girl he wants to bring home to his parents and in most cases, to his practicing inwardly and outwardly beautiful and pious mother.
“Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.”[Qur’an: 24:26]