Getting Daughters to Love the Hijaab!
(Written on: 9th December,2009)
QUESTION:- Assalamu Alaikum. How can I get my young daughters to wear hijaab once it becomes farz? [Farah Khan, Scotland(Wednesday 9th December, 2009 6:56 PM)]
Wa Alaikumu Salaam,
Alhamdulillah sister… You have been opened up to the compulsory nature of the hijaab and its requirements. But just as a reminder, the hijaab becomes compulsory for the Muslim girl when she enters the age of puberty and this can be as young as 8 years old for some young ladies. At this age she can now bear children of her own and will become attractive to men. Thus Allah(swt) has ordained that she protect her modesty and the Hijaab is the way in which He has decreed and prescribed that she achieve this modesty.
Some evidences are as follows:-
Allaah also says, “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies. That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Ahzaab 59].
Another verse states, “[Tell the believing women] not to reveal their adornments except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s fathers” [an-Noor 31].
This verse indicates that hijaab is obligatory upon a woman both inside and outside of the country, in front of the Muslims and the non-Muslims. It is not allowed for any woman who believes in Allaah and the Hereafter to be lax in this matter as such is an act of disobedience to Allaah and His Messengers. Furthermore, it leads temptation regardless if it be in or outside the country. [Shaykh Ibn Baaz Fataawa al-Mar.ah, Source: fatwa-online.com]
As for your question now. There are several steps that you can take, as a mother, to ensure that your daughters see the hijaab as a natural transition rather than a burden-filled prison:-
1) It is crucial that mummy does her best to wear the hijaab in accordance with the laws of Islam and to adhere to the restrictions associated with it. Thus, the mother must truly see her hijaab as a piece of modest clothing and as a protection from the eyes of men. She must NOT see the hijab as a fashion statement, an excuse to wear brightly-colored and glittering fabrics, and jingle with 20 bangles on each wrist while she walks. This also goes for anklets, perfumes and the like. Remember moms, that the hijaab is meant to take ‘that kind’ of attention off of you and not to draw a man’s attention to you. It is very important as a mother to set an example that your daughter can emulate easily and understand effortlessly. By dressing up in a way that is meant to attract attention will just confuse your daughters and as such, they will lose the proper understanding of what the ‘hijaab’ really is. Here are some other extracts:-
Allah says in the Qur’aan: “And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornments.” [Soorah an-Nur (24): 31]
Abu Musa (radhiyallahu anhu) said that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihe wa-sallam) said: “Every eye commits fornication and adultery, and when a woman puts on perfume and passes through a gathering, she is such and such meaning an adulteress.” [At-Tirmidhee, similar Hadeeth is also reported by Abu Hurayrah with a Hasan isnad in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (8/70)]
2) Your girls may still be underage, and yes they are at an age where a little leeway is allowed. For example, it they are out in public with you and have on the hijaab, but they really cannot stand the heat, it is okay for them to take it off. This is what ‘leeway’ means. But it is important also, that from a very young age, from toddlers, you start putting on little one-piece hijabs for them when you are praying, going out or at the masjid. Get them use to the hijaab. Most girls would naturally want to look ‘just like mummy’ during their formative years of life. They would try on your shoes, try on your lipstick, brush with your hairbrush, so why not ‘try on your hijaab’?!? Make it fun for them! Dress them up in one of your big pretty scarfs and tell them they look ‘all grown up’! I don’t encourage the glittery hijaabs when they are older (6yrs and over), but when they are younger than this, sew little sequence or beads onto their hijaabs to make it looks more attractive to a child’s eyes. This will make them WANT to wear it!
3) Make sure that you as the adults, only keep close friends and frequent visitors that are adherents to these laws of Islam. Meaning, make sure that your daughters are frequently exposed to other women who wear the hijaab other than mummy. Let them see you, mummy, enjoying yourself and mingling with other Muslim women like you, while wearing the hijaab. This will show them that hijaab does not take away from enjoying your life as a Muslim in any way. The Prophet(saw) thought us that you know people by their friends. Thus your children should be able to identify their parents with good practicing Muslims and nothing else. Keeping the wrong kinds of friends is a dangerous disease that can slowly creep into your home and infect your children slowly without you even noticing!
4) Do not complain about the heat and discomfort of the hijaab in front of your girls when they are too young to understand the more superior purpose behind wearing it. Let them see how strong and determined you are to wear it to please Allah(swt), despite the heat, and they will be driven to be as strong as their mummy! Mind over matter is a very real and useful tool and it had gotten me through many difficult situations as a mummy of three. Thus, tell yourself, “If I ain’t dead yet, I’m alive… and if I’m alive, I CAN handle it!(Inshaa Allah)”
5) Let them be part of the choosing process. Let them help you pick an appropriate hijaab for different occasions. And in their case, lay out two scarf options, that can’t possibly clash with the outfit you picked out, and let them choose which one they would like to wear:)
May Allah(swt) give the willing mothers the patience and ability to be good and pious examples to our daughters…Ameen…
…Comments from My Readers…
“I have been wearing hijab for two years but my sisters/sister-in-law & close family don’t wear it and some even actively discourage it! I can’t break links with them but am going to try to surround the girls with practicing Muslims. I don’t want to FORCE hijab on them, and if I was forced I probably would resent it..I feel like I want them to wear it without having to enforce it! But thank you for your advice! I think it has made the issue a little clearer. I guess I can just read those verses to them when they are old enough to understand. ” [Farah Khan, Scotland (Thursday, 10th December, 2009 6:02AM)]