Putting Education before Marriage?

Putting Education before Marriage…?!?
(Date of Interview: 21/01/2011)

Brief Intro: This interview (open-ended questionnaire via e-mail) was conducted between myself and a Muslim sister from Trinidad. She has endured the ‘education comes before marriage’ ideology and has decided to share her experiences for the benefit of others insha Allah. May Allah(swt) bless her for this charity…Ameen. She has also chosen to keep her identity confidential, but if you would like to send her a message, you can send it to my e-mail and I will forward it to her for you insha Allah.
Azizah:  Assalamu Alaikum sister, how old are you now?

The Sister:  Twenty-Five years Masha Allah.

Azizah: What is your current education level?

The Sister: UWI Degree and currently studying ACCA

Azizah: Do you work or own a private business?

The Sister: Yes, I work…

Azizah: Are most/many of your peers married?

The Sister: Yes.

Azizah: What contributing factors do you believe has lead to your current marital status, or lack thereof? Was this by choice?

The Sister: Honestly, it would be because my ‘baby boomer’ parents sort of pushed me to follow education and because well, I guess sometimes it feels like brothers don’t have their priorities in the right place as muslim men are supposed to be. Of course, they might even disagree with that statement but I guess that comes with living in the West and its many distractions. No, it was never by choice and I hate to regret so if I saw someone I fancied, I would have taken the chance then and even now.

Azizah: If you could turn back time, what would you change?

The Sister: Muslims are not allowed to say ‘laww’ because it opens the doors to Shaytan. But I know I would have tried to live a better life for Allah. Because like I said earlier, I did all I could possibly do in finding someone so I don’t have to regret in that department. Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (peace & blessings of Allah be upon him) as saying: A strong believer is better and is more lovable to Allah than a weak believer, and there is good in everyone, (but)cherish that which gives you benefit (in the Hereafter) and seek help from Allah and do not lose heart, and if anything (in the form of trouble)comes to you, don’t say: If I had not done that, it would not have happened so and so, but say: Allah did that what He had ordained to do and your ” if ” opens the (gate) for the Satan. {Sahih Muslim}(Book#033,Hadith #6441)

Azizah: Jaza Kallah Khair sister you have thought me something new! Thank you for sharing that hadith!! 🙂 Now, would your parents have allowed marriage for you at a very young age; maybe 17 or 18 years old?

The Sister: Maybe or not too sure but based on past experience I don’t think i was taken seriously because I was that young or gave the impression of it. Later on, I think it was because my dad was a little over-protective at the time. He has since loosened.

Azizah: What type of husband are you looking for?

The Sister: A decent understanding mature sweet Muslim guy. I’m not into high physical expectations at all and it doesn’t matter where you come from but your focus on life must be on living and dying for Allah. After that, I think everything will fall into place. Work, Career, etc.

Azizah: Do you believe existing without the bond or safety-net of marriage for so long, has lead to unislamic relationships or interactions in the past with the opposite sex (e.g. dating, courting, flirting, etc)?

The Sister: Yes, I do believe that and i have seen many youths gone and lost in this stage. Its wrong and marriage is the best way to prevent that especially living in the west where like I said earlier, there are distractions.

Azizah: Are any of your siblings married?

The Sister:     Nope

Azizah: Do you believe your siblings share your sentiments and/or desire for marriage?

The Sister: I can’t say… we disagree and agree on many things but they do want to get married but I’m not sure if they mean now or later on.

Azizah: What would you say to youths who have taken up the stance that marriage at a young age is ‘burdensome’ or ‘limiting themselves’.

The Sister: I would tell them that it keeps them grounded in this life. It limits the ‘ poison arrows’ of Shaytan according to a hadith. This life is already short. Why not trade in this life for something better in the next by following Allah and His Rasool. Marriage does not make a person ‘aged/old’ nor it doesn’t take away romance like what we learn about in movies. It shapes us and makes a great foundation Muslims. Not to mention, the many emphases in the Quran and Hadith on punishment for doing or coming close to ‘Zina’.

Azizah: What do you think about the phrase commonly made today that “Education come first!!! Marriage and children can come wayyyy after!”

The Sister: I disagree to a certain extent. Education can come anytime and marriage should constantly be a focus, provided both parties are ready and responsible even at a young age. It should not be forced into like some parents do for some worldly benefit nor should it be ignored for the same reason and if I was a parent then I would have endorsed this in the teenage years provided the child shows some level of responsibility at that age and is ready to do so once these lessons are taught by their parents.

Azizah: Jaza Kallah Khair sister! Your answers were beautiful and will undoubtedly be the source of inspiration for the many youths who are currently pondering this very important life choice Inshaa Allah!!!

 Yours Truly,


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