Rekindling Romance with your Spouse…
Written on : 18th December, 2009 (amendment made on: 19/03/2010)
Assalamu Alaikum Parents,
It essential that you do as many of the things on this list as possible! If you do only one or two, all the other areas of your life together would still be lacking which would cause everything to crumble all over again:-
Ways to Rekindle the Romance & Enjoy your family:-
1) Pray the Sunnah and extra/voluntary salaah together. Ever hear the saying “A family that prays together, stays together”? Well it’s very true. While on this note, when it comes to the ‘fard salaah’, the Prophet (sal Allaahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said that it is better for a woman to pray at home, although he also said that her husband should not stop her from going to the msjid if she so desires. But the prayer of the men belongs in the masjids! Ladies, DO NOT guilt them when they have the opportunities to do so and do not use your children to guilt them into staying home. This has been made clear in Al-Qur’an:- “O you who believe! Let not your properties or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whosoever does that, they are the losers.” (Al-Munafiqun [63:9])
2) Study Islam together (this would bring you closer together as you would now have joint interests & goals) – After fajir every morning, stay awake together, cover over with a blanket together, as it’s usually cold this time of morning, and read a book on any Islamic topic together. Your husband may read aloud to you or vice versa. Topics and books on ‘Marriage in Islam’ and are always enlightening and great reminders to each other. Check out my “Recommended Books” Section with a variety of books that have been verified as acceptable and authentic in nature.
3) Father’s be affectionate with your children. Take time to put them on your laps, play in the yard with them and spend quality time with them. Get to know their likes and dislikes. This will bring warmth and happiness to your spouse’s heart:
Abu Salmah (r.a.) related that Anu Hurayrah (r.a.) said “The Prophet of Allah kissed Hasan ibn ‘Ali while Aqra’ ibn Habis was sitting nearby. Aqra’ said, ‘I have ten children and have never kissed one of them. ‘ The Prophet looked at him and said, ‘Those who show no mercy will be shown no mercy.'”
4) Do not share your spouses secrets. Keep all bedroom secrets confidential and protected. Men, protect you wife’s physical features and keep these matters private. When he discloses her feelings to you and tells you something personal, do not spread her private thoughts to others without her permission.
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (r.a.) reported that Allah’s Messenger (sal Allaahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said: “Indeed, among the people who will have the most grievous position before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who, after he privately approaches his wife ad she privately approaches him, he exposes her secrets.” – Recorded by Muslim, Abu Dawud and others.
5) DO NOT curse each other or use foul language!! – No! No! No! We are so blessed to even be Muslims! Do not spoil this by filling your mouths with filth! Not in the workplace, not in humour, not in the streets, not in the car & DEFINITELY not in the home! You are DIRECT examples to your children of how they should behave towards, their family, their future families & their future offspring.
A’ishah(r.a.) said, “Allah’s Messenger (sal Allaahu alaiyhi wa sallam) was not obscene, nor did he relish obscenity, nor was he loud in the markets. He did not punish for any (personal) harm, but forgave and pardoned.” – Recorded by at-Tirmithi, Ahmad, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Mukhtasar ush-Shama’il p.182)
6) Ladies! Cook for your husbands! – Too many husbands these days are lining up by KFC on their lunch hour, because their wives just can’t wake up or get that extra zeal to cook them lunch and see them off at the door…Then, they are forced to come home to an empty pot and a wife who just doesn’t see that need to work ‘just a little bit harder’ to put a hot meal on the table. Yes girls, I know you do a lot during the day, believe me I know, but hear what…try cooking your husband hot meals every day for an entire week….just one week… and then tell me if you see any difference in his behaviour towards you. We ALL know the saying “The way to a guy’s heart is through his belly”. Yip! It’s one hundred percent true! Also, stick little “I Love You” notes on their lunch bowls or in their lunch bags!
7) Give your spouse a spontaneous call at work every other day and tell them you miss them. But try not to harass them too much during working hours! During a stressful day, being spontaneously reminded that there is a sweet someone waiting home for you can definitely boost a person’s mood!
8) Go out together on family outings! – Just you, your spouse and the kids. NO ONE else! It is very important to be on your own, every now an then, as an independent couple and as a mature and capable family. There are many safe places you can go with the kids and just enjoy each other. Watch the kids running around, watch you spouse’s eyes in the sunlight and just relish in the fact that you have your own little ones now to raise together and cherish as you grow together Inshaa Allah.
9) Modest forms of public affection and care – Keeping your wife safe and secure by holding on to her hand in public will send a silent signal that you are proud to be married to this person and that you always protect them. As a wife, allowing him to hold on to you will appease his masculine nature and tell him silently that you feel safe and protected in hands. Steal little chances when you think no one is looking and give each other a smooch on the lips, but please remember modesty and remember that we as Muslims must have respect for those around us. Do not do anything to make the people around you uncomfortable as this is not the proper behavior of a decent and practicing Muslim.
10) Make every Friday(the Eid of the week), Eid-ul-Fitr and Eid-ul-Adha a special family day! Spend on your family of whatever extra you have.
Jabir Bin Samurah (r.a.) reported that Allah’s Messenger(sal Allaahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said: “When Allah gives one of you some good (i.e. sustenance), he should start by (spending on) himself and his family members.”- Recorded by Muslim, Ahmad and others.
11) Glance at each other over the dinner table, across the living room, passenger to driver seat in the car, etc. You KNOW what I’m talking about. Suggestive and flirtatious looks to make each other blush. No it’s not silly and it will add to your relationship. As Muslims, ‘pre-marriage’ courting is not an islamically lawful ritual, however these things ARE allowed during marriage and I have no clue as to why more married couples don’t use these techniques to keep their marriage youthful and exciting!
12) Dress up! – Please ignore your spouse when they say, “I don’t care what you wear, you will look good even if you wear a garbage bag”. They just say this to avoid confusion. Try wearing long skirt with a small slit, an attractive top, an anklet, a chain to flatter you neckline, sparkling or dangling earrings, perfume, slight lipstick just to give your lips colour, black/dark eye liner & a different hairstyle to the norm. And see for yourself, the difference in his behaviour when he gets home and sees you. Please dress this way for your husband ONLY! And husbands, please remember that princesses don’t really like frogs. They like princes! Don’t dress as if you just fell out of bed. Take a bath when you get home, put on some atar/cologne (scent) and clean attractive clothing for your wives.
13) Have a surprise indoor picnic for your spouse – in the bedroom (if you live with other people) OR somewhere in the house on the carpet (if you have your own home).
14) Breakfast in bed (Always a treat!) – spouses can take turns with this!
15) Star-gaze together or Cloud Gaze together – There is absolutely nothing wrong with just laying back , gazing and pondering the beautiful creations of Allah(swt). Spending these quiet moments together will leave memories that last a lifetime Inshaa Allah.
16) Feed each other and yes, I mean literally:-
Sa’d Bin Abi Waqqas (r.a.) reported that Allah’s Messenger (sal Allaahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said: “Indeed, whatever money you spend on your family, you will be rewarded for it – even for a morsel of food that you raise to your wife’s mouth” – Recorded by Ahmad. Verified to be authentic by Al-Albani (as- Sahihah no.1024 and Sahih ul-Jami no.5540)
17) Put the kids to sleep together. These are soft moments that will, Inshaa Allah, soften your hearts towards one another.
18) Build something together. This reminds me of the time I built a child-sized play house with my husband. He and my father did the building and I did the painting with him. It is something I will never forget Inshaa Allah and displaying such determination to build our children this house created such admiration and appreciation for one another. It gave us great respect for each other’s skills and expertise.
19) Men! Get involved with the house work on weekends! The Prophet (sal Allaahu alaiyhi wa sallam) used to help out around the house and with some of teh house chores. This does not make you less of a man and the wife will greatly appreciate your help!
“May Allah(swt) bring us closer as husbands & wives…Ameen”
…Comments from My Readers…
” I really love this! Lots of things are said here that NEED to be said!” [Doctor Mummy, (December 22, 2009 1:32pm)]